Being a Woman of Excellence: Lesson 7
Excellence in Relationships
The World’s View
In the contexts of sociology and of popular culture, the concept of interpersonal relationships involves social associations, connections, or affiliations between two or more people.
Worldly examples of stages of interpersonal relationships
1) Contact 2) Involvement 3) Intimacy 4) Deterioration
This is the world’s view of relationships. Because people have taken God out of the equation within their relationships and they have chosen a sin based approach to relationships, deterioration (death) is the outcome. (Romans 8:5-6) Sadly, people actually begin to expect their relationships to have little longevity and as a result there is little accountability or true intimacy between many people these days. We’re a fast food society. We expect things to come easily and quickly and when they don’t we erroneously judge things as bad and remove them from our lives. “Them” indicates our relationships with people in this context.
Going on-line and researching relationships you’ll find a host of websites that give advice on how to fix and keep relationships. This indicates that relationships in the world are broken. They are broken because of our lack of understanding of the roles we are to play in each other’s lives and because we approach our relationships based on sinful models. We look at our relationships with people based on a “what can I get out of it” mentality vs. a “what can I give” approach.
God’s view
Genesis 1: 25-30 25God made the beasts of the earth after their kind, and the cattle after their kind, and everything that creeps on the ground after its kind; and God saw that it was good. 26Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 29Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; 30and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so.
In the beginning God and humanity (man & woman) had a relationship. In this relationship God blessed (met spiritual needs), communicated (met emotional needs) and provided (met physical needs) for mankind.
Mankind was one being – man and woman were in perfect unity – one – in perfect relationship with each other and with God. (A Mystery)
Genesis 2: 16-25 16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.” 18Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 19Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
In relationship, as his Creator, God had authority over man. God, in His wisdom also had compassion for the man and created a helper for him. In bringing woman out of man, God taught that the relationship of husband and wife was to be a portrayal of the unity found within God Himself. It was initially a relationship of unity, trust and love.
Genesis 3: 6-10 6When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. 8They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.”
Once Adam and Eve “fell” through disobedience to God their relationship with God was severed by their fear, and their resulting choices. From that point in time God taught mankind how to re-establish relationship with him through the sacrificial system that He instituted with the children of Israel, through Moses. This foreshadowed the coming Messiah who would restore the relationship between man and God through His death and resurrection.
Overview
- God and man had a relationship
- God created woman who was in perfect relationship with man.
- Man and women fell and hid from God severing their relationship with God
- Man and women became ashamed in each other’s presence damaging their relationship with each other.
- God instituted the first sacrifice and clothed the man and woman with skins in order to restore their relationship with each other, and with God.
- The sacrifice pointed to God’s way of restoring relationship (through blood sacrifice) that foreshadowed Yeshua’s ultimate sacrifice that would redeem mankind from sin and restore our relationship with God and with each other.
- Before Yeshua came God instituted moral laws in the Tanakh (Old Testament) that were to guide the people into holy living so they could approach a holy God. The laws also gave them a moral standard to abide by in their relationships with each other to help them overcome their natural propensity to sin, which ultimately leads to sorrow and death.
Example: The Book of Leviticus
Author: Moses was the author of the Book of Leviticus. Date of Writing: The Book of Leviticus was written between 1440 and 1400 B.C. Purpose of Writing: The purpose of Leviticus is to provide instruction and laws to guide a redeemed people in their relationship with a holy God.
Brief Summary: Various feasts were instituted in the people’s worship of God, convened and practiced according to God’s laws. Blessings or curses would accompany either the keeping or neglect of God’s commandments (chapter 26). Vows to the Lord are covered in Chapter 27. The primary theme of Leviticus is “holiness.” God’s demand for holiness in His people is based on His own holy nature. A corresponding theme is that of “atonement.” Holiness must be maintained before God, and holiness can only be attained through a proper atonement. Much of the ritualistic practices of worship picture in many ways the person and work of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, Yeshua HaMashiach.
Laws on Immoral Relations – Leviticus 18
Laws on Domestic Relationships Deuteronomy 21:10-23
In Leviticus God shows His people Israel that the blood of the offered animal (which is the sign of ransoming life) is the only way of atonement for committed sins (Lev. 17:11). The presentation of offerings therefore played an important part in the life of the people of Israel.
New Testament Scriptures regarding relationships
Much of the writings of the apostles were instructions to us regarding our relationships with God and with each other.
Clear examples can be seen in 1 Corinthians, chapters 5-7.
1 Corinthians 5 : Immorality Rebuked
1 Cor. 5:11But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler–not even to eat with such a one. 12For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? 13But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES.
1 Corinthians 6: Lawsuits discouraged & The Body Is the Lord’s
1 Cor. 6: 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” 17But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 18Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 7: Teaching on Marriage/Singleness
Other New Testament Scriptures concerning relationships:
2 Corinthians 6:14-18: 14Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 16Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. 17″Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE,” says the Lord.”AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you. 18″And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” Says the Lord Almighty.
This shows the way toward the restoration of the relationship between God and mankind just like it was in the Garden of Eden.
1 Corinthians 15:33 – A Key to failure
33Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
How does all of this apply to us today?
The first essential step necessary to being a woman of excellence is coming to faith in Yeshua and being willing to repent (change your mind about yourself and your relationship with God and other people. In doing so you need to turn away from your sin, learn God’s way of doing things by studying His Word and apply them to your life.) When you do this miraculous things happen in your life. First you are ‘born again’ by the power of God and you receive the in-dwelling Holy Spirit, who helps convict you of sin in your relationships and guides and directs you to relating to God and other people in ways that please God. In love, God promises you eternal life and gives you the opportunity to walk out your life in the fullness of your God given destiny. In that instant you also become part of the family of God, the body of Messiah and new relationships begin to fill your life, first with God and then with others in the body.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
God puts us in the body of Messiah for more reasons than we can understand. They all involve relationship. God is a relational God. The first reason we’re in the “body” is that as believers and followers of Yeshua our number one responsibility is to be discipled and make disciples.
Matthew 28:18-20 And Yeshua came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
A disciple of Yeshua is more than a believer, or someone who attends a local congregation. A disciple is a learner and a follower of the teaching of Yeshua. Disciples are often spoken of as imitators of their teachers. To be Yeshua’s disciple we have to strive to be like Him. This is done in relationship with God in with other people. We cannot do it alone. God uses others in our lives to encourage us, guide and teach us, correct us and often even to “rub us the wrong way” in order to help strengthen us in our ability to be steadfast and immovable in our faith, and character. I call those kind of relationships “holy sandpaper.” Though they’re not comfortable they’re very profitable in the shaping of our characters.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
This brings us to: Godliness vs. ungodliness in relationships
Scripture is full of teachings regarding godliness and ungodliness. These principles apply to our relationships. Godliness and ungodliness in our relationships is determined by what we Think, Say and Do.
The book of Proverbs is full of God’s wisdom regarding relationships:
Proverbs 20:19 He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.
Proverbs 19:19 A man of great anger will bear the penalty, For if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again.
Proverbs 22:24 Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man,
Relationships are created by three things in our lives: First, our thoughts about people, then our words spoken about them and to them and finally our actions with them.
Proverbs 10:18 He who conceals hatred has lying lips, And he who spreads slander is a fool.
Proverbs 11:29 He who troubles his own house will inherit wind, And the foolish will be servant to the wisehearted.
Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
Proverbs 14:1 [ Contrast the Upright and the Wicked ] The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
The power of the tongue:
Remember that you have life and death in the power of your tongue. Your words can build or tear down. The choice is yours.
Proverbs 18:20-22With the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach will be satisfied; He will be satisfied with the product of his lips. 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. 22He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Key Scriptures regarding relationships:
James 3:13-18 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14But if you have bitterjealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie againstthe truth. 15This wisdom is not that which comes downfrom above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3 1Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, 3being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Philippians 2:2 2make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Matthew 20:25-27 25But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26″It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, 27and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave;
Scripture reading:James 4
Life Application: What can you learn and apply to your life from James 4 to help you in your relationships with people?
Memory Verse Review
Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
1 Corinthians 1:30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption…
Proverbs 11: 2When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.
New Verse: Philippians 2: 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
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